"Do what you do. Do it well. Don't bother me about how to do it."
"The burning flesh when you get blessed is probably just a side effect of Botball"
The Best Friend / Ass proverb:
When selecting a best friend, you want to pick a person who wouldn't mind accidentally touching your ass, and a person that in the same situation, you wouldn't care either. You want to pick a person who's open and comfortable, and wouldn't mind telling you how great your ass really is. You want to select a person who can tell when you're having a bad day, and when there's no real cure, doesn't mind kissing a little ass you cheer you up. You want to make sure however, that your best friend wont be afraid to kick your ass if you're being a pain in one. Anyone can be nice, but only a true friend will make an ass of himself for you to get the point when you're being a stupid-ass. This is the true friend that will forgive you when you're forced to give them a taste of ass.
Pass this to everyone you know has the guts to be an ass when you need it
"Hey, anyone want to have nasal sex?"
The relationship between the speed of time and the boringness that Mr. Drapalski exibits is inverse. This is to say that T=S/D, where T is the speed of time, S is the measured, or regular, speed of time, and D is the Drapalski Factor, also known as how loud you are muttering something about why the bloody hell he won't shut up.
"Better look like an idiot than be one"
I dreamt I was a butterfly. I could not tell I was dreaming, but when I woke I was I and not a butterfly. Was I dreaming I was the butterfly, or was the butterfly dreaming it was me? Even if there is no relation between the butterfly and I, the distinction is not absolute, and there is no cause and effect.
"Let people think what they think. If its right, then you have nothing to fear. If its wrong, its their problem"
"When life gives you lemons: make lemonade, peel those lemons to make lemon skin clothing, and plant the seeds of the lemons to grow some more"
"Pain doesn't hurt, it's just... painful."
"Living has a 100% chance of death, did you know that?"
*hits Mike with cauliflower*
"
"Everything grows on trees, its just a matter of finding the right tree'
SquashMonster: that didn't end up as funny as I hoped
SquashMonster: maybe if I toss a rabid weasel into the situation
SquashMonster: "I miss the...
What can I say?
"Now, take a look at the folks around you when you've been offered to take another go at smoking some pot. Where are they going in life? Bill Gates didn't become the richest man by smoking pot. (Although, I'm pretty sure he stole a tractor at one point. Maybe we should all try stealing tractors too.)"
"A trapezoid has no circumference."
"I AM ERROR"
"
"Discuss whether the electoral college continues to serve the democratic process or whether it is- as some analysts have said- a political dinosaur. 'Personally I'll agree that it's the political dinosaur bit. Poli means many, tics means blood suckers and dinosaud means terrifying lizard;broken down this means many blood sucking terrifying lizards. It most definitely sounds like Bush's type of people. So, with that in mind, you tell me!'"
Langley: everything I care about ends up running away in the end
SquashMonster: thats why I'm learning to run
Justin: Hey, that actualy feels rather nice
Brendan:
Justin: Hey, at least it got you off
Brendan: Yeah, in more ways than one
Justin: You have now reclaimed your title of sick bastard
Catluver: do you know the best way 2 eat jello?
SquashMonster: I haven't the slightest
SquashMonster: should I add that to my research que?
Catluver: through a straw
Catluver: guess what kindof jellop I have now
SquashMonster: soylent green?
Justin: So, what type of car are you waiting for?
Garret: A blue van. No, wait, a red van. It's a red van.
Justin: If you take the blue van, you'll wake up at home and think, whatever you want to think. If you take the red van, and you'll find out just how far this rabbit trail goes
EliXiR: lol that would be the best
EliXiR: a swimming lane on the side of the highway
EliXiR: >_>
EliXiR: O_O {{{{idea}}}}
SquashMonster: I'll suport your petition to whatever officials are in charge of that
"I can see it now, some shadey figure comes up to me and says "hey man, got any weed?" and I say "no, I sell seed, you want the guy next to me" "
Andrew: what is IF text?
Justin: I think you might want to give me some context here
Andrew: 4. Highlighter, IF text is purchased by student
Justin: ...
Justin: you're honestly taking honors English?
Andrew: yep
Justin: it's saying you need a highlighter if you purchased your own text book
Andrew: i know what it means
Andrew: did you think i was that stupid?
Justin: yes
SquashMonster: ah well, it's only life, what's the worst that can happen?
Sabishii: No kidding. Might as well have fun considering no one gets out of it alive anyway
"There are jobs all over the place, but if you enjoy the highway median so much, here, have this bag of wheat seeds. You can farm the median, I'm sure the Department of Agriculture will be happy to help you with any questions."
Andrew: procrastination will kill me one day
Justin: good to know
Justin: now you can plan defenses against that
Justin: of course, by the time you get around to that, it will probably be too late
"Not yet."
"An evil miracle is still technically a miracle"
"Old mcDanald had a farm, ee, i, ee, i oh. On his farm he had an ameba, ee, i, ee, i, oh. And a w00t w00t here a w00t w00t there, ee, i, ee, i, oh!"
"
"Contrary to what you all seem to believe, if you're an ass while drunk, you probably are normally too."
SquashMonster: mmm, if I ever invent a citrus type fruit, I will definately name it the tangent
SquashMonster: somewhere between a lime and a tangarine, I think
Sabishii: <cheesy joke>hmm,then you could be a rich tangentleman </cheesy joke>
"Every year someone asks me if King Louis XIV was gay. And each year I respond with 'No, but his brother was.'."
"A recipe for Chocolate Chip Cookies calls for 4.28 x 10^22 molecules of sucrose, convert this to grams"
Sabishii: No idea. It's like I feel empty and bored and pointless
SquashMonster: mmm
SquashMonster: I think you need some cheese curds and a pencil sharpener
Sabishii: How will that help? Granted in this state it might
SquashMonster: well, pencil sharpener = pointy = not pointless
SquashMonster: and cheese curds are fun and filling, thus removing both boredom and emptyness
Ephrion: wow
SquashMonster: yep
Ephrion: indeed
SquashMonster: I concur
Ephrion: I find myself in agreeement
SquashMonster: I have fury agreement
Ephrion: All your concurrence are belong to us
SquashMonster: An agreement is me
Ephrion: Agreers don't do drugs
SquashMonster: The agreeblecia is in session
Ephrion: I am AGREE. The peninsula is to the west.
SquashMonster: Two things are infinate, the universe and my agreement.
Ephrion: Live like you were to die tomorrow, agree like you would live forever
SquashMonster: How many roads must a man walk down before he concurs?
Ephrion: There is no cosmetic for beauty like agreeance
SquashMonster: To disagree is human, to agree is divine.
Ephrion: Those who will not agree, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves.
SquashMonster: Do not try to squeeze agreeability out of stones.
Ephrion: Don't teach a pig to agree, it'll waste your time and annoy the pig
SquashMonster: It's no use to beat a dead agreement.
Ephrion: You can lead a horse to agreement but you can't make him drink
SquashMonster: I'm sorry, you're wrong.
EliXiR: now i got to urinate
EliXiR: you musta hit my bladder
SquashMonster: yeah, I'm roxor like that
"Look, if I warm up my breasts with my hands, do you think they'll get bigger or smaller?"
Andrew: i think the sky broke and the little pieces are falling down...
Andrew: either that or lots of dandrif...
"A banana will do the trick"
"Yes, if only god had covered the tree of knowledge with saran wrap, we would still be living in paradise"